Week two of blogging! This weeks learning was called "Understanding Family Dynamics and Theories." We observed as a class certain ways families behave and a few of the theories that social scientists have come up with to describe these interactions. Our first task was to prepare a list of unspoken rules that we have seen in our upbringing. I struggled to actually come up with any at first, but after hearing my classmates with theirs, I really started to remember some. My favorite, and most applicable answer, was that as a child, we could never say that we were bored because our parents always found ways to keep us busy. Our Professor mentioned in his family he would not be allowed to ask for things he wants, rather he was expected to work and hope for that reward he wants. In one of my friends families, she always had to call her mom and tell her where you were going regardless of how long so she would not "freak out". The list goes on and on. Even to this day, I do not say I am bored for fear of what used to follow that phrase.

The first theory we learned about was called conflict theory. It is the thought that people interact based on power, control, authority, influence, or force. One party is always on top and the other fighting to take control. It is not meaning violence or abuse necessarily, but it means that when a decision is made, one is victorious and the other succumbs to the other.

Systems theory is all about those unspoken rules I briefly touched upon earlier. The culture of a family, the rules and roles of members of a family are all examples. It is about each individual playing a part in a system, everyone has something to contribute and we know how to effectively contribute based on the kind of feedback we receive.

Exchange theory is a 50%, 50% mentality. Because I put this much into the relationship I can expect this much out. We learned and discussed how each member of a relationship should input 100% because no one is perfect and we all will vary with how much we actually contribute so we should help each other always make up the difference. For a while, many counselors would help marriage problems using this theory, but we realized that this alone can cause a person to be manipulative if only going 50% and 50%.

Symbolic interaction theory is one that I still need some brushing up on with understanding, but it implies that every action and expression a person makes has a deeper meaning and, in my experience, I am wrong so much of the time. I see an expression my wife makes and think she is mad at me, but in actuality, she is really just daydreaming. We often do not understand simply because we are not from the same family system we learned our expressions from.

This week was a really great way to start noticing how families act in public and with each other. At work, I was able to observe children playing with materials we have laid out on our desk and how parents respond in giving feedback. I also saw children picking things up that fell on the floor so they could give it to me and the reward, or approval, that came from the parent. I had the experience to see wives spend fortunes on adorable goods that the husband found redundant and how he treated her with kindness and love regardless. There were husbands spending large amounts of money on kayaks or large outdoor equipment where I saw his wife rolling her eyes, but respecting his wants and still full of love.

I know that the family system is the most important unit in society and the way we raise the upcoming generations will impact us all. I know that these unspoken rules are here for a reason and we should seek the best ways to build others up in our family.

For anyone reading my blog please post some examples of unspoken rules in the comments. It is really fun to learn about some of these rules we have in our families and how they shape us as adults.