In an ever changing world there are more and more ways we can become entrapped in Satan's friend, contention with our spouse. We have so many ways to communicate and receive messages. No two people will receive messages the same, some may take one sentence and have no reaction where another may receive the same with anger or frustration. In class this week we discussed different ways we give and receive messages. There are so many types of media such as the good old fashioned talking to each other or even a letter. Now we even have phones, texting, email, social media, skype, facetime, and each of these can be refined and broken down as well.
These all can cause some significant problems though if we aren't careful. There is more than just the simple message. Just as a little child's voice is higher piched so are the messages we give in different variations. The words are just the surface, what about the tone when we speak? The same thing with different tones can convey just about every single emotion there is. We are also missing the tone when it is just a simple text. We jump to conclusions and can miss what was really meant. Lastly we have non-verbal things that are gestures. To quickly go over some tools we can use I won't go into too much detail. Suffice it to say that these when followed can solve or almost fix any relationship. Question is, do you want to fix some relationships?
Step 1. Disarming technique: If we get defensive then the point is moot and nothing will get solved.
the best we can do is focus on fragments of truth regardless of how hurtful the other person conveys. Just focus on the real.
Step 2. Express empathy: Thought empathy is reflective listening and trying to understand then feeling empathy is trying to see why they would feel how they do and agree.
Step 3. Inquire: Did I get that right? is this how you feel?
Step 4. I feel statement: I feel_____ because___ I would like _______
(Use event+feelings+reason+reason for feeling=hopes)
Step 5. is to convey respect: This is self explanatory we just need to truly convey that we want to fix things and that they are not stupid or bad
There are only 3 options in any relationship as far as conflict is concerned.
Improve the relationship by applying anything you can
You can get more distant from that person
Or you can choose to do absolutely nothing and live with the problem.
The following class period still on this topic we mostly focused on making decisions together and the conflict that can come. There are also some methods we have all seen play a part somehow in our lives. One way is specializing in certain aspects of the relationship and saying you do this I do that. Another way is compromising where we learned both parties are working to get what they want giving up just enough so they can get their wishes. Obviously when it is put like that it makes sense why it is a bad thing. We learned and understand now that coming to a consensus is much better. We forget our own wants and needs to come to the right conclusion even if no one wants it. Being here at BYUI that meant to follow Heavenly Father's will instead of our own. Regardless of faith however the principle remains the same. Counseling is the very best way to work our issues out.
You start counsel method by love and appreciation, followed by prayer that invites the spirit then you discuss to a consensus so you can figure His will out. After you pray for confirmation and out of thanks to Him. You finish again with love appreciation and something unifying. The Quorum of the 12 Apostles and First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints uses chocolate.
In the end just focus on perspective and do your best to include one another in everything so you can be "as one flesh".
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